


Quietly

by nana_banana



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Arguing, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Injuries, Close Calls, Confessions, Friends to “Just Friends”, Injury, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Battle Conversations, Sad and Sweet, Slightly Left To Canon, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, background m9 - Freeform, clayleb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 08:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nana_banana/pseuds/nana_banana
Summary: Somewhere underground, Caleb and Caduceus battle a Spirit Naga, away from the rest of the Nein. In the aftermath, Caleb is angry, and Caduceus disagrees.





	Quietly

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many emotions over these two. Pls accept this quickie ficcy.

“Oh,” Caduceus groaned as soon as he opened his eyes, blinking them against the glare of the floating light orb by his face. His body ached, wounds stinging across his flesh, a particularly large bite around his shoulder throbbing as he was shifted. The cold, stone floor bit into the back of his legs and lower back, and he wrinkled his nose. “That was a rough one,” he mumbled, his blurry eyes slowly clearing and adjusting to the dimness of the cavern around him. He shifted his head against the hand that gently held it, taking in the empty vial close to his lips, the dirt underneath the nails of the fingers wrapped tightly around the glass. He recognized those fingers and he fixed his gaze onto the pale and dirty face of Caleb Widogast above him. His voice softened when he said, “Thank you, Caleb.”

A short nod was his reply.

He struggled to sit up, his wounds hindering his movement. Noticing his attempt, Caleb stuffed the empty potion vial into a stray pocket before he aided Caduceus, the hand cupping his head sliding to his back, fingers pulling on a few knots in his hair. Caduceus grunted, and a quick apology left Caleb's lips. Looking at him, Caleb's face was drawn into a concerned and annoyed frown, but he said nothing more as he helped Caduceus move to sit on a small boulder, staff retrieved from the ground and placed back into his grasp. Once he was settled, Caleb straightened and drew back, his movements stiff with something that was not pain, but resembled frustration. Caduceus' eyes slid away to the large cobralike beast they had slain. Its mouth lay open mid-screech, fangs bared. Fangs that had been so close to sinking into Caleb's neck, that had instead plunged into Caduceus' shoulder when he had stepped between them. Looking up at Caleb, Caduceus searched for wounds.

“Are you alright, Caleb?” He asked.

“Am I alright,” Caleb echoed back at him. “Am I — ha.” He huffed noisily.

“Is something wrong?” Caduceus pried. He stretched out a hand, reaching for Caleb's, the other barely gripping his staff. “Do you need healing?”

“You fool, Caduceus!” Caleb snapped, and to Caduceus' credit, he did not even flinch. A single pink eyebrow rose in question, and Caleb plowed on. “What on Exandria possessed you to _do_ that? Push in front of me and that snake? Were you _trying_ to die? I had cast _Haste_ on myself, I would have been fine!”

Caduceus nodded at Caleb's words and retracted his arm, an infuriatingly calm expression on his face. His hands weakly moved up his staff, clenching around it to pull himself into a standing position. He wavered, unsteady on his feet. Caleb reached out in concern, even as angry and exasperated as he was, hand hovering awkwardly by Caduceus' elbow as if to brace him. His frown furrowed his brow further, and Caduceus had the errant thought that Caleb frowned far too much for his liking. A small smile lit his face at the thought of smoothing that frown away with his thumb.

But he refrained.

“Well?” Caleb asked. He dropped his tentative hand when he was sure Caduceus would not topple over. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Nothing, really,” Caduceus replied easily, earning himself a flat glare from Caleb, his already frowning features turning severe. “I did what I had to.”

“You didn't _'have to',”_ Caleb argued, gritting his teeth. “Don't do it again. Yes, I am as weak as they come” — he gestured to himself with both hands as if his weakness were on full display — “a glass cannon, if you will, but if I go down, either you or Jester can bring me back.” He dropped his hands, fixing Caduceus with a troubled look. The dancing light deepened the lines of his face, highlighting his concern and aging him beyond his years. “If _you_ go down,” Caleb said, “there's nothing I — nothing _any_ of us can do. Only Jester. And we both know she's better off using her spells to damage the enemy. You are lucky I had a potion at all. That necklace around your neck does not give you the freedom to be so reckless!”

Caduceus shrugged then, and Caleb bristled indignantly. But before he could speak, Caduceus beat him to it.

“Caleb,” he said gently, and Caleb pursed his lips, reluctantly nodding at him to continue, “I understand what you're saying. But, if I may say as much, I do not agree with your suggestion. If I can, I will protect you. Every time.”

“But —” Caleb protested, arms waving in visual bafflement of his words. “That's not how this works. You — why?”

“Because I love you,” Caduceus answered simply, and he watched as Caleb blinked at him, absorbing the words before his eyes abruptly widened. He drew to a pause, staring in mute shock, and Caduceus took that chance to continue unimpeded. “I will always try to keep you from harm if it's within my power to do so.”

A thousand thoughts ran through Caleb's mind as he wrestled with this new information, too fast to grasp. He floundered, adrift in the chaos of his head those words had wrought. Caduceus' smile was sincere, but the edges were tense with something Caleb could not describe. On a regular day, Caduceus' thoughts were difficult to discern, and now was no different. Caleb could not get anything from him. He could be joking, and Caleb would be none the wiser.

He hoped Caduceus was joking.

“ _W-was_?” Caleb breathed.

It was silent around them, so quiet that Caleb's ears were ringing. His head was buzzing and his heartbeat stuttered before it began to pick up, thrumming rapidly against his rib cage. Hands flexing at his sides, Caleb immediately dropped his gaze, down and away from Caduceus' soft pink one. He opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words in his throat. For a fast talker, Caleb had absolutely nothing to say.

A strangled noise left him instead, and his shoulders jerked, hands turning into fists in an attempt to lessen their shaking.

“So you're just going to have to deal with it,” Caduceus went on to say as if he had not just dropped a life-altering confession in the middle of Caleb's argument. “I will not stop trying to protect you.” He looked around then, seemingly done tearing Caleb's world asunder. “Now,” he said, “I don't know what time it is, that's your specialty, but I assume it's late —”

“Eleven o'clock,” Caleb croaked out automatically, his keen mind the only functioning part of him at the moment.

A pleased smile stretched across Caduceus' face.

“I'm sure the others are antsy to leave this place and get some rest,” he told Caleb. “Let's head back to the group, shall we?” He turned and paused, waiting, but Caleb did not move from where he stood.

“Caleb?”

“I don't —” Caleb struggled. “I can't.” He paused, eyes definitively on the floor between them. His hands repeatedly flexed, unable to still themselves. “I am not, uh, I —”

“Oh, boy,” Caduceus muttered, effectively ending Caleb's stuttering as he lifted a bewildered look to Caduceus' face.

“'Oh, boy'?” He scoffed incredulously.

“Are you trying to reject me?” Caduceus asked bluntly, and Caleb balked at the question, dropping his gaze once again, guilt sowed into every tense muscle of his shoulders. A tired sigh left Caduceus then, and he stepped back towards Caleb, his every limb protesting with the continued movement.

Caduceus could not wait to make camp in Caleb's magical bubble and get off his feet.

“I —” Caleb whispered. “I don't think I can return your affections,” he finally said. “I'm not in a place — mentally, that is — that I can reciprocate or feel as if I deserve it.” He winced, face scrunching up as he hunched his shoulders.

“Oh, I know,” Caduceus said plainly, earning a startled look from Caleb.

“You know?” Caleb said, hesitant.

“I know,” Caduceus reassured him, nodding. “I didn't tell you I love you because I was expecting you to reciprocate, Caleb.” He lifted a hand as if to touch Caleb's shoulder, but pulled it away before he could. “I told you because I needed you to understand me,” he said and smiled again, though there was a small crease in his brow. “I am not expecting anything in return,” he said firmly. “The thing about my love is that I don't need you to love me back. It just is. And it's okay. You just keep doing what you're doing. Don't mind me.”

“How … how can you say that?” Caleb slowly asked, his frown returning as he dared to meet Caduceus' eyes. “Doesn't it … hurt?”

“Only when you do,” Caduceus replied, smile dimming and expression serious. “That's why you need to let me protect you.”

Caleb said nothing. He stared at Caduceus, eyes darting between his own, taking in his expression, no doubt trying to figure out if he was lying. Trying to figure out the catch. A small hint of amusement slipped onto Caduceus' face at that.

There was no catch to be caught.

“Caduceus? Caleb?”

Jester's voice called from further in the cave, and Caduceus turned his head towards the sound. He took a few steps towards it, alighting the gem atop his staff to light his surroundings. He could not see the others, but he could hear them talking a little further out, concern in their tones.

“The others are waiting,” he said when it was obvious to him that Caleb did not know what to say. “Would you mind illuminating the way with your lights?” He asked, gesturing to the one hovering beside them. “They've got much further reach than mine.”

But when Caleb did nothing but stare at him, Caduceus gingerly stepped towards him.

“Caleb,” Caduceus said, drawing Caleb back out from what was undoubtedly a hornet hive of thoughts. The hard blink and sharpness of his blue gaze was the only indication he was listening. “I know you're not a fan of change,” Caduceus began, “and this doesn't change anything. You do realize that?”

“Doesn't it?” Caleb whispered.

“It doesn't,” Caduceus affirmed. “I have no expectations of you, Caleb. Not aside from the usual ones, like keeping the group safe. I won't mention it again if it makes you uncomfortable.”

He waited, and a few moments went by without comment. Caduceus could hear the others, loudly questioning whether he and Caleb had been rendered unconscious or gotten lost. Nott's voice was the loudest among them with worst case scenarios.

“I would appreciate that,” Caleb mumbled then. “I'm sorry, I just don't think I'm a fit state to process this.”

“That's fine,” Caduceus readily agreed. “I won't mention it again. Shall we head back to the group?”

“Y'know it's polite to answer when someone calls, you two!” Beauregard's voice echoed across the cavern, the tremble in her voice belying her worry. “You better be alive!”

“ _Ja_ , Beauregard, we're fine!” Caleb shouted back, agitation apparent in his tone, and he returned his gaze to Caduceus, guiltily looking away as soon as he did. “ _Ja_ ,” he said, quieter, “let's join the others.” He summoned more of his orbs with a wave of his hand, and he extended them in a line before them with a jerky, inattentive wave.

Caduceus felt a smidge of guilt then. It had not been his intention to give the introspective Caleb another thing to chew over. He did not want his love to be a burden.

Love was never supposed to be a burden.

Without saying a word, Caduceus started walking, his body wincing in pain. He could feel Caleb looking at him, and he could hear him sigh and fidget as he followed. Caduceus said nothing of it, knowing well that Caleb needed his space.

However, he failed to notice an abrupt dip in the ground, and Caduceus stumbled, gritting his teeth as his rough body was jostled. His knees threatened to give way, but he was stopped from falling by a sudden tug of his arm. Surprised, he looked around to see Caleb pull his arm over his shoulders, making himself into a human crutch.

“ _Mist_ ,” Caleb grumbled, his face anxious, “watch where you step. If you go down, I don't think I'm strong enough to pick you up. You are a big man, Caduceus.”

_Caduceus._

Not _Mister Clay._

Relief found its way into Caduceus' heart.

With Caleb, it was always one step forward and two steps back. As vulnerable as he allowed himself to be with them all, Caduceus knew Caleb feared attachment. Whenever he got too close, he threw up his walls. And it was not until the moment Caleb said his name that Caduceus realized he had been bracing himself for the step back.

But Caleb had not, and the bated breath Caduceus held in his lungs released into the ether in gratitude.

“Thank you, Caleb,” Caduceus said, voice soft, and Caleb nodded, though he would not meet Caduceus' gaze. Yet the arm Caleb was using to support him tightened about his waist.

A warmth filled Caduceus to the tips of his fingers and toes, and he allowed himself to lean on Caleb, a small burst of happiness fluttering about his chest like an ecstatic butterfly. He took the chance to cast a healing spell then, just in case. Caleb faltered for only half a second as the magic worked its way through him, a murmured thanks leaving his lips. As they walked together, there was only silence, but that was okay.

He loved Caleb, and Caleb did not love him back. And that was okay too. Because he did not need Caleb to love him. Being close to him was enough.

Loving him was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I titled this "Quietly".
> 
> Bc that's how Caduceus loves. And that's how Caleb wallows.
> 
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